We've All Gone Saucer-Happy!
We've All Gone Saucer-Happy!
by Manuel Carballal
There can be no doubt that the UFO phenomenon is a fascinating subject. Some of us are so enthusiastic about it that it drives us crazy. Intoxicated by the stimulation, passion and richness of this discipline, the joys of ufology sometimes drives us nuts. That's when we become "saucer happy".
Doña María is a resident of Vigo (Galicia) in her fifties. A fan of space, UFOs and the Beyond, she has spent many years reading all kinds of magazines and books on esoteric lore--an interest she combines with her great passion for the pink press. I wasn't surprised to find that on that summer morning in 1992, my companions from the Vigo Center for Psychobiophysical Research should be so interested in my meeting her. Doña María presented herself as a consummate psychographic contactee, placing at our disposal dozens of notebooks filled with psychographic messages and mediumistic drawings. Doña María, like many other contactees, claimed that alien beings had infiltrated all walks of human society. Some of them even posed as very popular personalities--a fact stressed by numerous contactees and even certain researchers...
Doña María, as with many other contactees, entered into trance states through telepathic communication with her "extraterrestrial guides", whom despite being infiltrated in terrestrial society, could still transmit their messages to the Galician contactee through psychography or telepathy. And we were on the verge of witnessing a demonstration. Spellbound, we waited for the guide to tune into the contactee to transmit his message. Finally, after intense concentration, Doña María began to receive the message: "Hey! No vayas presumiendo por ahi.." Dumbfounded, we discovered that her alien source wasn't Oxalc, nor Ashtar Sheran, nor Adoniesis or any of the "known" ET guides--it turned out to be Julio Iglesias. Because according to Doña Maria, Julio Iglesias was one of those infiltrated aliens. Swamped with intense emotion, we heard the communication: the Spanish crooner's lyrics reached us brimming over with messages, according to Doña María's interpretation. It was then that I understood, after many years of intense pondering, what it was that Isabel Preisler had seen in Julio: it wasn't that he'd seduced her--rather, like any good alien, he had abducted her in order to artificially inseminate her! Julio Iglesias fans now know the secret to his success...he was conceived by alien sperm. I'm convinced that Budd Hopkins would treat this information with the weight it so rightly deserved...
This was neither the first nor the last time I would witness "alien contacts" of this sort. Because the number of infiltrated aliens in our society is something to see. Valencia-based contactee Vera Kallas provided me a no-less extraordinary revelation, which took place during the filming of a TV series and right in front of the cameras! I still have this tape as a most valuable piece of evidence regarding the presence of aliens in our world. While I interviewed Vera about her paranormal experiences, she suddenly fell into a trance. An anonymous communicator began transmitting information through the contactee: the face of researcher Vicente Moros, who was present at the session, mirrored my own perplexity. Finally, the startling "guide" presented himself: "Hello! I'm Carl Sagan..."
Well, I thought, it sure is easy that way. I'm not surprised that Sagan received so many awards for his COSMOS show--if he's an alien, he's got it licked. Who'd dare teach him anything about the universe?...
It's Tough Being A Contactee
Who says there's no evidence that we're being visited by aliens? Carlos Jesús leads a group of UFO believers in the town of Dos Hermanas (Seville). His communications and messages became widely known throughout Spain through the popular science show "Al Ataque", hosted by Alfonso Arús. Thanks to the cameras of Antena-3, all of Spain was able to watch alien beings--such as "Christopher from Zeta Raticulin" -- possess Carlos Jesús and transmit their messages station-to-station. Moreover, even "Mikael", the alien from Ganymede itself, or even Jesus Christ, spoke to the world through the contactee from Seville---of course, preserving the Sevillian accent corresponding to the body of the person they'd possessed.
Carlos Jesús bears on his body, like many other contactees and abductees, the proof of his contact. And if other UFO abductees have received an alien implant in the nape of their necks or in their nasal passages, Carlos Jesús carries in the big toe of his right foot a "micro-transmitter" able to fire a billion megawatt energy beam (a textual quote). So, skeptics beware! Don't mess around with Carlos Jesús-Mikael-Christopher, since aliens have placed the power of Divine Justice in his hands...I mean, his feet.
Abraham, Elijah, Jesus, Moses, the Eternal Father, Antar Zeran, the Virgin Mary, etc. are some of the extraterrestrials (?) able to possess Carlos Jesús and speak through him: "I will now exhale three times," says Carlos Jesús three times before going into trance, "and my voice will change completely...puff, puff, puff...Hello, my voice is no longer the same, I have descended from a spacecraft and straight into this body. Now I am Antar Zeran..." Millions of viewers shared with me the excitement of that moment, following the contactee's touching possession by higher powers.
Being a contactee is hard work. Never mind carrying a micro-transmitter in his big toe -- which causes poor Carlos Jesús to spend a fortune in sneakers, since every time the beam fires there isn't any manmade footwear that can withstand it: there are awful arguments between contactee and contactor which sometimes jeopardize the former's physical integrity.
A few years ago, over fifty million viewers were able to witness how an alien took over the body of a contactee--live and in color--on the stage of "Esta Noche Cruzamos el Mississippi". The stage of Tele-5 turned into a makeshift parapsychological laboratory and a landing platform for Astenon, a resident of Ganymede (a world having an excess population of super-evolved beings, it would seem), who would transmit his important messages through Miguel Algarra, his channeler. Before dumbfounded spectators, Miguel Algarra engaged in a terrible struggle with Astenon, who possessed him without asking for permission, and would also slap him around...or rather, Miguel would slap himself around. It was merely a matter of sharing the limelight, since according to Astenon, the folks on Ganymede watched Pepe Navarro's show all the time, and understandably, the alien guide wanted to say hi to everyone back home, if only the jerk of a contactee would quit hogging the camera. All of Spain and part of Freakistan thrilled to the experience, and Lucas Grijalder himself, faced by such an eloquent incident of alien contact, summed up in a nutshell the essence of many similar messages: "You sound about as clear as Chewbacca..."
Making Love To No One At All
If Carlos Jesús became famous thanks to his appearances on "Al Ataque", the cameras of the equally stern "La Noche Prohibida" program granted stardom to 49-year old contactee José Verdún, better known as Penumbra.
Penumbra had already appeared on the small screen on other "scientific" programs such as "Música Golfa" (TVE) and "Los Límites de la Realidad" (Antena-3). However, it was thanks to José Coronado and Ivonne Reyes that Penumbra astonished Spain with his account of having made love to a female alien.
Penumbra, to whom the aliens gave a pyramid stone of magnificent powers, perhaps as payment for his carnal services, is the only contactee who recites his messages with bulerías (Andalusian songs accompanied with clapping and dancing--Ed.). No more monotonous Oui-Ja sessions, boring psychographies or redundant telepathic messages--Penumbra gives his messages a brighter tone by reciting them in prose or in rhyme, or ripping into a fandango using texts revealed by the "space guides". Like a true pioneer of the cosmic cante hondo, he recites as he claps his hands: "I'm a dying madman/with a world on my mind/of talking butterflies/and trees that sigh..." Precisely. A dying madman with talking butterflies in his head...he says.
Penumbra isn't the only human who's had the good fortune of enjoying close contact--I mean very close contact--with extraterrestrials. Copulation between humans and aliens is hardly circumscribed to the males. Karol, a well-known Catalan parapsychologist, was the victim of sexual harassment by a beautiful but libidinous extraterrestrial. Karol, who was up in years, could not longer endure the alien's unbridled passion as he got between the exhausted contactee's sheets night after night. Anguished over the spaceman's nightly visits, Karol appealed to a distinguished Barcelona hypnotist for help, and after a few sessions of hypnosis, the alien rapist vanished for good. Weeks later, Karol returned to hypnotist to ask him for a solution to her new quandary. Now she missed the nightly visits of her cosmic friend. "Couldn't something be done to make him come once a week?"
The Osteratrix Report
In the town of Antequera, contactee Rafael Sánchez is at the center of a significant case of E.T. contact which recently achieved significant political implications. Rafael has discovered the secret behind alien technology, since the aliens are coming to Earth from the planet "Arcolobus" on what appear to be large flying carpets some five meters long and which operate on advanced technology. Aladdin knew what he was doing.
Through his messages, Rafael Sánchez has learned that thousands of asteroids will collide against the Earth in July 1998, devastating the planet (this prophecy, not a very precise one, was made in mid-Nineties). For this reason, he devoted himself to building a spaceship that would allow him to escape the Apocalypse.
After making several designs, mock-ups and tests, Rafael Sanchez has managed to build a prototype of his spaceship using...a motor from a blender. He immediately wrote Spanish prime minister Jose María Aznar to warn him of the danger facing Spain and the planet as a whole, offering his technical services to prepare the evacuation of the planet aboard his blender-ships. Amazingly, prime minister Aznar has not replied to his mail. Could the P.P. be engaged in some sort of pact with the Osterizer company to develop the life-saving craft? Could the infamous CESID papers contain the key to transforming our appliances into Flying Saucers? Are the aliens right-wingers? We are assailed by terrible doubts.
In the light of the bizarre revelations made by contactees like Penumbra, Doña María, Carlos Jesús or Rafael Sánchez, we would finally be in a position to unveil the secrets of the UFO. In 1999, after more than fifty years of dealing with the UFO phenomenon, researchers all over the world are finally in a position to understand the mystery: Julio Iglesias and Carl Sagan came in from Zeta Raticulin aboard blender-ships to paint the town and sign a secret pact with José María Aznar while they were at it. And if it was the "Matrix Report" that blew the whistle in the United States, the "Osteratrix Report" will do much the same in Spain.
The truth is out there. It's just a little mixed up.
[Note: This is one of Spanish UFO writer Manuel Carballal's contribution to the Inexplicata Journal in the year 2000. Eleven years later, it's every bit as good -- Ed.]